The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-07-08

  • My life: "I'll be upset if I mess up this coffee." "You'll be bitter about it?" (glares my way) #
  • “@bonniegrrl: Iconic Images Recreated w/ #StarWars Figures – http://t.co/VNIjZIUJ /via @ladyenigma” @OfficeTrooper, this one's for you! #
  • I can't seem to stop cutting the cheese. http://t.co/ZKHLa9x0 #
  • My jar of salsa and my adult beverage are too similar in size and shape and too close together for this to end well. #
  • I think somebody finally won the Internet. “@antiheroine: http://t.co/tFNgVluX” Or at least my heart. #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-07-01

  • My daughter is being so sweet and kind to me tonight, I think I ought to make her a special dinner. Anyone know where I can get some gruel? #
  • Happy girlie when the camera is on her. http://t.co/ZyoKmfYG #
  • Little sister took this picture. http://t.co/aXvMSZa7 #
  • Chess. http://t.co/844Yp3UR #
  • Best. Receipt. Ever. http://t.co/EyHLLUJs #
  • Four o'clock finally happened. Finally. #
  • Here's to Friday: the day you earn. http://t.co/wDqYuyta #
  • There's a swingin' town I know called… Capital City. #
  • "Heat wave to continue." Or as we in the North say: "Winter is coming." #
  • There's a kid wearing the black and orange at the Twins game today. Makes me miss my mom a bit. #MLB #sfgiants #mntwins #
  • Just posted a photo http://t.co/KsnNmboQ #
  • Hermoine Explains It All #HarryPotterTV #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-06-24

  • I got an MLB Premium account for Father's day. Time to watch the Cain perfect game. Don't tell me how it ends!! #
  • I'm a little too in love with my wife's MacBook Air. #
  • You never realize just how great Kruk and Kuip are until you haven't heard them for a few years. They love the game and the fans so much! #
  • You Outlook! You blew it up!Damn you Outlook! Damn you all to hell! #
  • A trailing ellipsis followed by exclamation points? What the hell does that mean? Did you widen your eyes via text? Oy vey…!! #
  • Shouldn't a single bar of Twix be called a Unix? #
  • "I'm doomed…" "You're doomed?" "… What does doomed mean?" #
  • "Grasshopper. Spaceship. Gun." #
  • Whatever bug is in my system has given me a -4 to Dexterity. #
  • Llamas in Mexico are called "yamas". #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-06-17

  • My son will be a ridiculously clumsy drunk. #
  • MENDOZAAAA!! #
  • Yogurt seems like food, we all know it's not. #
  • Gordon Goodwin? Don't mind if I do! #
  • @doctorstine Damn straight! Hittin' up XXL right now. in reply to doctorstine #
  • It's raining, which translates to me vacuuming my car again. #
  • @jzeller I think you'd dig. They're a hot big band. Check it out! in reply to jzeller #
  • My biases aside: Dell, your basic mouse looks like a camel toe. http://t.co/WAgFDDYI #
  • The Indiana Jones theme just popped into my head. Somebody get me a fedora! #
  • Loungin' http://t.co/UzFDtGMm #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-27

  • Grandma quilts: camouflage and comfort! http://t.co/E4xibABq #
  • What do you get when you combine German and English languages? Gibberish. AKA, Dutch. AKA, Hollandese. #
  • Nothing as surreal as a room full of people working silently and motionless at their computers while Bohemian Rhapsody blares on the stereo. #
  • The wife just started humming the tune I was singing a couple minutes ago. It's official: I have super powers. #
  • "No it's not." #
  • I'm trying to train Hulu to only show me ads for booze. They're more entertaining, plus they're more relevant to me. #
  • Beer or margarita tonight? #
  • @jzeller I did margarita. Got to open my really really good tequila that was on sale: amazingly good. Could sip it straight. in reply to jzeller #
  • When I talk about Northern Canada, I really just mean Canada. Sorry for the confusion. #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-20

  • My life: The ongoing struggle to do something dumber than I did the day before. #
  • "Okay, you go potty first, *then* we'll solve al the world's problems." #
  • Every time an automated answering service doesn't understand what I'm telling it raises the amount of vengeance I will rain upon the Earth. #
  • Silly faces at dinner for just the little girl. http://t.co/lRVrmd32 #
  • Just posted a photo http://t.co/0aNdVVxR #
  • I was going to ask where they get all those empty liquor bottles for sets, then I realize that TV shows have writers. #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-13

  • "E-S-I, YES." #
  • @jzeller Yeah, that's how the wee one spelled 'yes' this evening. in reply to jzeller #
  • Trying to rethink "Be Kind, Rewind". What about "He who discharges it recharges it"? Modern sentiment, and play on a fart joke. #
  • Can't I just be a recluse living in a cabin in the woods with high speed internet? #
  • I think I just said "Das ist no bueno" to myself. #
  • "Stacy's Mom", I can still dig. #
  • When a tall gay man walks up to you and offers you a beer, you don't turn that down. #
  • I want to tell off my neighbors, but everything I can think of sounds too nice. #
  • @jzeller Yup, this time for my lawn. I hate they probably think I mowed just because they bitched. in reply to jzeller #
  • @jzeller I'm just looking at real estate listings and drinking heavily. in reply to jzeller #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-06

  • Is self-heralding a thing? I think my daughter does it… #
  • How to cook: add more butter. #
  • The government agency that operates in secret, carrying out missions in terrifying and fabulous ways: The C. I. Heeeeey! #
  • Enter to win an Aurora Ipsilon Fontain Pen from @OfficeSupplyGee http://t.co/NS4ml1Vz #giveaway #
  • Facebook promotes lies. #
  • The world needs to stop gasping on dark and stormy nights. #
  • "Vagazzled." #
  • A very funny joke: "What about a fox jumped over the lamp?" "Why did the fox jump over the lamp?" "Because he was hungry! HAHA!" #
  • May the 4th be with you! #StarWarsDay #
  • My daughter seems to talk to me regardless of knowing where I am. It's odd watching her leave the room to find me. #
  • Happy Margarita Day, Everybody! #
  • I should work nights so when I talk to myself I don't have to fake hold a phone. #
  • Full Batman TAS episodes on http://t.co/KUU3nCpL. Watch them. It's one show from my childhood that stands the test of time. #
  • Oh, and Alfred is the greatest deadpan character that was ever created ever. Ever. #
  • Minneapolis police need more dirigibles. #