Long-arms Lecture…

So while walking to school this morning, the boy asked me, “How do we kill birds?”
Now, my son isn’t vindictive toward our fine avian friends, he just knows that we as omnivorous mammals, meat must be killed prior to ingestion. Plus, my friend and I were talking about spotting birds (I had apparently seen a crane in flight while I was driving last night), so the whole thing isn’t entirely out of context.

I started by explaining that we have farms that raise chickens and turkeys for eating. The lad said he knew (I’ve explained it before), but how to we kill birds in the sky?

Well here we go. My son, being a five year old, has already seen and pretended to use many different weapons. Most of them have been blasters or phasers from science fiction, and I’m fine with that. But still I refuse to deny him knowledge of most things that he would find out anyway and would rather he know them properly.

I started with the fact there are handguns/pistols, and there are long-arms. That’s an easy enough place to differentiate small guns from big guns. So we’re talking about hunting, and unless you’re a friend of my dad’s, you hunt with a long-arm.

In long-arms, you can then break down into groups shotguns, rifles, and assault rifles. Assault rifles are used by soldiers in battle. That’s the only place they’re needed. Easy enough to understand.

Rifles, next, are used to hunt bigger animals like deer and wild pigs. They shoot a single big bullet in one spot. That’s what you need to take down larger animals.

So with smaller animals like birds, you need a smaller bullet. That’s when you use shotguns. Shotguns don’t fire one big bullet, they fire a bunch of little bullets over an area. So that’s what you take with you when you, for example, go out into a swamp and hunt ducks.

What about moose, dad? Can you hunt moose?

Sure you can. What do you want to use to hunt a big moose? Something that shoots a big bullet or little bullets?

A rifle.

That’s right, good job. Glad it makes some sense.

We continue walking.

Dad, look at this picture I drew. That’s the sun, that’s Earth, that’s Jupiter, and, uh, what other planets are there?

Lesson learned. I have no qualms with my children knowing about life and death, particularly since they’re so intertwined. I wouldn’t mind showing him how the different weapons work next time we’re visiting Granddad and checking out his collection of vintage toys.

Addendum: Since I have an inquisitive mind, I went ahead and Googled long-arms. Nothing. Apparently I’ve been using the wrong term for years. According to Wikipedia, the terms are long guns and short guns. I probably got mixed up with the fact that my mum has used long-arm quilting machines for years. Glad I didn’t bring up that fact and confound the boy further.

Midweek Kids…

Guess who loves the leftover kitchen implements.
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And guess who’s ready for summer with her new sun hat.

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And, best of all, a great torch has been passed.  That’s my boy and my niece playing the greatest game ever made.

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I don’t think he’s too happy that I’ve photographed him losing.

More Evidence I’m a Twit…

  • What an exciting Monday morning so far. Looks like it won’t be letting up anytime soon, either. #
  • I think I need to re-read 1984. #
  • Oh, and Animal Farm. I loved Animal Farm. #
  • The students are getting more destructive. Maybe if we had had Spring Break during, um, the Spring, they may have gotten that energy out. #
  • Checking out Tweetie. Pretty awesome. Anyone want to donate 15 bucks to keep my thoughts rolling out free as can be? (Ironically?) #
  • It is NOT okay to wait in my office with the lights off to ask me inane crap when I walk in the door! #
  • I can’t my outgoing mail servers to work. It’s quite annoying and blocks me from getting more schoolwork done. #
  • Komm, süßer Tod #
  • As technologically adept as I am, I skipped the faxing generation and am totally inept at using those ridiculous machines. #
  • I need beer and someone to fling f-bombs with. #
  • I am really diggin’ the Mac version of Tweetie. Who wants to buy the iPod app for me? #
  • Greatest. Joke. Ever. http://tr.im/jpBr #
  • I am at a loss to find anything good enough for my father on his 60th birthday today. #
  • Must… escape… #
  • It’s 8am and I’m about ready to walk away from it all. I can’t take much more of the disrespectful nonsense I put up with daily. #
  • I just ordered a textbook through BetterWorld.com and I feel good about myself. #
  • I don’t care what anyone says; Pam Beasley is the hottest woman on television. #
  • I just thought of a genius way to market small cars to Americans: small cars are more dangerous, so man up and drive them! #
  • I am an Apple Remote Desktop ninja! #
  • Repairing a Woodwind is like tuning a fine watch; repairing a Brass instrument is like a plumber banging a wrench on a pipe. #
  • I think I should get my mom on Facebook so we can share pictures easily. #
  • I just misspelled embarrassing. How emba–er, ironic. #
  • Aww, my kitty wants to make out with me because I smell like beef. #
  • It’s about time the rain showed up! #

A Stormy Weekend…

picture-12What was intended to be a serious effort to beat back the forces of marriage equality has become a “camp” sensation across the country. The National Organization of Marriage dumped $1.5 million into an ad campaign called the “Gathering Storm,” which is set to air in key states where marriage equality is advancing. But it already has aired in much of the country in the form of parodies gays and lesbians, celebrities and just about anyone with a camera have done their own interpretation.

The original “The Gathering Storm”:

A group of celebrities, including George Takei, Alicia Silverstone and Lance Bass, performed one of the funniest spoofs in “A Gaythering Storm” by the Giant Gay Repellent Umbrella.

A Wake Up World with Hope and Davis version:

Stephen Colbert and the Colbert Coalition:

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Colbert Coalition’s Anti-Gay Marriage Ad
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Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Gay Marriage Commercial

A version directed and edited by Andrew Keenan-Bolger and Clark Johnsen:

(Found via The Minnesota Independent.)

Cabinetry and Bicycles…

Recently I acquired something awesome. Now, my awesome is of a different definition than most. I live in a different universe than everyone else; I know that for certain. I once told my five year old son that what he said was interesting and he replied, ‘No, Dad, it’s not interesting.’ He knows better than I do, certainly.
Still, I think this development at my household will be appreciated by some. Check out what I scored for my garage:

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That’s right, I got cabinets! In one fell swoop, I managed to quadruple my storage and give me a workspace for about 25¢ of gas. It was sitting out in the back of the school to be thrown out. So it’s heavy, ugly, used, and since it came from the teacher’s lounge, covered in coffee stains.

In other words, it’s perfect! There’s even room for the cat food and water dispensers at the end of it. I can actually start storing things without taking up more space and have a place to work on stuff outside of a basement closet. I still have some cleaning and sorting (and pitching) to do, but the garage is on its way to being useful. Here’s another view:

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And yes, that’s the Lad with his patented grin wearing a bicycle helmet. And on top of the shelf in the background is my sweet new glow-in-the-dark basketball to replace the one that, ahem, a certain Uncle managed to puncture (wink). The bike was the big Easter present from Mom and Dad this year. He’s mighty stoked. And of course, knowing he’s being filmed means he’s going to grin at the camera.