The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-27

  • Grandma quilts: camouflage and comfort! http://t.co/E4xibABq #
  • What do you get when you combine German and English languages? Gibberish. AKA, Dutch. AKA, Hollandese. #
  • Nothing as surreal as a room full of people working silently and motionless at their computers while Bohemian Rhapsody blares on the stereo. #
  • The wife just started humming the tune I was singing a couple minutes ago. It's official: I have super powers. #
  • "No it's not." #
  • I'm trying to train Hulu to only show me ads for booze. They're more entertaining, plus they're more relevant to me. #
  • Beer or margarita tonight? #
  • @jzeller I did margarita. Got to open my really really good tequila that was on sale: amazingly good. Could sip it straight. in reply to jzeller #
  • When I talk about Northern Canada, I really just mean Canada. Sorry for the confusion. #

Finally All Over Again

I often watch old shows while working in the kitchen. I don’t have to pay much attention since I’ve seen it before, but it offers a little background noise while cooking and doing dishes. I’ve caught up with Star Trek The Next Generation, The West Wing, and now I’m going back through Arrested Development.

This is in my head now. Yay?

The Juice Box Box

I had gone to the store. Among other things, I picked up a box of juice boxes for the kids’ lunches.

A trick I recently learned: to open both ends of a box of drinks or cans, then you can gently move them all as a group into the fridge like loading the bullets from a stripper clip. It’s very slick.

I popped open the one end of the box. Halfway to success right there. At the other end is where I was met with resistance. The glue holding these flaps was more extensive than those on the first end.

So what does one do when facing increased opposition? Bring in reinforcements!

I drew my short utility knife, the suburban dirk if you will, from its sheath (my pocket) and prepared for battle.

Along the edge of the box was a perforation. A bullshit perforation to be certain. But it gave me a guideline to begin the operation.

The knife was in and I began a short sawing motion. About halfway through the edge, I had realized my error. The ruby fluid was slowly coming down the bottom of the box. I quickly got the box righted and in the sink, pulling the clean boxes of fruit punch from the opened, dry end of their container. All was cleaned up and none were the wiser.

Except the poor wounded juice box who wound up dead due to friendly fire.

Thus ends my tale of shame. And what better way to hide my idiocy than write it up on my blog? At least these moments lend themselves to enigmatic tweets.

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-20

  • My life: The ongoing struggle to do something dumber than I did the day before. #
  • "Okay, you go potty first, *then* we'll solve al the world's problems." #
  • Every time an automated answering service doesn't understand what I'm telling it raises the amount of vengeance I will rain upon the Earth. #
  • Silly faces at dinner for just the little girl. http://t.co/lRVrmd32 #
  • Just posted a photo http://t.co/0aNdVVxR #
  • I was going to ask where they get all those empty liquor bottles for sets, then I realize that TV shows have writers. #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-13

  • "E-S-I, YES." #
  • @jzeller Yeah, that's how the wee one spelled 'yes' this evening. in reply to jzeller #
  • Trying to rethink "Be Kind, Rewind". What about "He who discharges it recharges it"? Modern sentiment, and play on a fart joke. #
  • Can't I just be a recluse living in a cabin in the woods with high speed internet? #
  • I think I just said "Das ist no bueno" to myself. #
  • "Stacy's Mom", I can still dig. #
  • When a tall gay man walks up to you and offers you a beer, you don't turn that down. #
  • I want to tell off my neighbors, but everything I can think of sounds too nice. #
  • @jzeller Yup, this time for my lawn. I hate they probably think I mowed just because they bitched. in reply to jzeller #
  • @jzeller I'm just looking at real estate listings and drinking heavily. in reply to jzeller #

The @ebfryer Twitter Feed for 2012-05-06

  • Is self-heralding a thing? I think my daughter does it… #
  • How to cook: add more butter. #
  • The government agency that operates in secret, carrying out missions in terrifying and fabulous ways: The C. I. Heeeeey! #
  • Enter to win an Aurora Ipsilon Fontain Pen from @OfficeSupplyGee http://t.co/NS4ml1Vz #giveaway #
  • Facebook promotes lies. #
  • The world needs to stop gasping on dark and stormy nights. #
  • "Vagazzled." #
  • A very funny joke: "What about a fox jumped over the lamp?" "Why did the fox jump over the lamp?" "Because he was hungry! HAHA!" #
  • May the 4th be with you! #StarWarsDay #
  • My daughter seems to talk to me regardless of knowing where I am. It's odd watching her leave the room to find me. #
  • Happy Margarita Day, Everybody! #
  • I should work nights so when I talk to myself I don't have to fake hold a phone. #
  • Full Batman TAS episodes on http://t.co/KUU3nCpL. Watch them. It's one show from my childhood that stands the test of time. #
  • Oh, and Alfred is the greatest deadpan character that was ever created ever. Ever. #
  • Minneapolis police need more dirigibles. #

They Dance

(Via Bad Astronomy.)

This video made me think of us. We’re the only ones here. And we’ve only recently become capable of seeing planets dance with their moons. We strapped cameras to rockets and flung them to the heavens.

We aimed for these specks of light that have traveled among the stars our entire existence. We’ve watched and traced and slowly figured out how to anticipate them. And in the process, we’ve found that we’re one of them. They’re our family.

Now we’ve taken so many pictures that we can watch them move, watch them dance. They’re out there in the depths of cold beyond cold, held onto by the invisible marionette strings of our single, lonely star.

They always would be moving, even without us watching. But we get to, in all the glory of a simple flickering video, like watching experiments with film at the end of the 19th Century. Knowing that this has gone on for time beyond comprehension, yet we finally are seeing it.

Since we are who we are, we will keep looking. Not only do we get to watch our ancient family dance here, but we search on to see how many other dancers there are in the skies.

And since we are who we are, we will never stop. We can’t. Give an animal some thumbs and plenty of time and its progeny will crack rocks into axes and build fires and eventually run around strapping cameras to rockets.

Maybe those animals would start seeing the faintest traces of those marionette strings pulling on our dancers spinning around our single, lonely star.

The planets would still be out there without us. The tree would definitely fall in the woods and vibrate the air. Those planets would be moving with their moons, nameless and silent. But we are the ones who get to see them dance.