What About Me…

This post was meant to come out of my week-long hiatus, but I felt the news of George Carlin yesterday trumped my own little thoughts from last week.
I am nearly done with one of my summer classes already, and my mum has already come and gone. It was a nice visit, though I do worry that my family is a tad inert in its lifestyle right now, making us boring hosts. But she got to spoil the lad and cradle the lass, so it can’t have been that rough.

This past blogging break, I of course had plans of grandeur laid out in my mind. Namely the objective was to get into a smooth little routine with the kids now that I was coming off of work and staying home. The wife has returned to hers after maternity leave. I was going to do this, and this, and this, and get the ball rolling. Instead, I did nearly nothing. The following is at least what I learned, or at least wrote down.

There are a couple basic facts about myself I seem to have trouble retaining awareness of. The first is my ability to concentrate. The second is my need for sleep in order to function.

The ability for me to concentrate hinges greatly on the quality and quantity of noise around me. I have been doing my best to teach the lad that fact so he will be patient in waiting my direct attention. I learned at Uni that I cannot effectively think or communicate if more than one input, direct or indirect, is coming at me. The same goes for most music. I will turn my aural focus toward a melody or lyric line the same way I would if someone was talking directly to me. It is especially a shame that, as a result, I cannot listen to jazz while reading or writing. At some point I will have time again for just sitting around and listening to the greats.

Similarly, I now have the added challenge of needing to concentrate or communicate over my infant daughter. There is blatantly an issue of not being able to hear a speaker over her wailing. My ears have always been very fine, but have difficulty being discriminatory. I generally take everything in. That aside, I need to be able to quickly discern her sounds as either urgent or not so as to not interrupt the flow of my thoughts. I know this skill will take some time to acquire; it is just a little frustrating until then.

Having a baby certainly does not help my existing condition, if it can so be called. Luckily, the lass is great. I am beyond lucky to have a baby such as her. So very, very lucky. That being said, I need to better take advantage of the times available to me to actually work on my projects. These times are essentially only when she is sleeping and the lad is occupied or also sleeping.

So I have evenings and very early mornings. For certain, I need to be rising with my wife in the morning, showering, and doing those things I can only do in solo serenity. That’s not totally difficult; it is merely a matter of changing my habits a bit.

The really hard part is to find time to have a relationship with my wife. Our body clocks naturally tick at different rates and she doesn’t turn into walking bile when lacking sleep. If I am to be getting up at five in the morning, I should be in bed by ten at the latest. That’s a small window to our marriage into. I love her and miss her.